How to Model Self-Care for Your Children: Building Healthy Habits That Last a Lifetime
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Children do not learn self-care by being told what to do; they learn it by watching and being with emotionally regulated adults around them. From a developmental and psychological perspective, parents and caregivers are a child’s first and most influential teachers. When adults consistently work on their own ability to manage their own stress, and their emotional state, and model healthy self-care, children naturally absorb these emotional states and develop good behavior.
Working on your ability to self-regulate your own emotions as a parent and adult - is vital to the development of your child. Don't expect your child to have emotional control over their emotions, if you cannot do that yourself as a parent.
Your parenting ‘way of being’ is primarily what your child internalizes and models. Your emotional states and ways of being as adult caregivers will teach your children how they regulate their emotions, respect themselves and others, and dictate their behaviour, as emotions drive behavior.
Adult and parental abilities to manage their own emotional state and stress is not developed well in most adults. Many cannot do it well, and many even need medication - this dramatically affects the development of their children.
We all need to work on our abilities to improve how we emotionally regulate ourselves, co-regulate others and manage our stress, this is a foundational, vital skill in life. Children who observe parents or caregivers managing their own stress, setting boundaries, and caring for their mental, emotional and physical health develop much stronger abilities to manage stress as adults, abilities to emotionally regulate themselves, co-regulate others and overall resilience.
Research in child development shows that children internalize coping strategies long before they can articulate them.
When parents don't apply the necessary effort to manage their own emotions, and manage their own stress and wellbeing, children learn that way of being - be it emotional outbursts, behavioral impulses, communication that is disrespectful to others or disrespectful behavior, etc.
Teaching Emotional Regulation Through Example
One of the most powerful forms of self-care children observe in adults is their ability to emotionally regulate themselves. When parents can calmly name and express emotions, emotionally regulate themselves, manage their own stress, pause and take a deep breath before reacting, children learn how to manage their own emotional state and feelings.
When parents are proactive in communication and say things like, “I need a moment to calm down,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a short break,”. Then, work to shift their own emotional state - this shows children that emotions and feelings are manageable, safe and that they can develop these emotional self-regulation abilities themselves.
Boundaries and Balance: A Critical Lesson
Setting boundaries is one of the most overlooked aspects of mental and emotional self-care. When children see adults saying no to overworking themselves, unhealthy relationships, or unrealistic demands, they learn that boundaries are healthy, not selfish. Modeling balance between work, rest, family, and personal time teaches children that their worth is not tied solely to productivity or pleasing others. This lesson is essential for preventing burnout and people-pleasing behaviors later in life, and the development of character.
Self-Care and Self-Respect
Modeling self-care also teaches ongoing self-compassion and self-respect for oneself. When parents speak kindly to themselves, ask for help, and acknowledge their limits, children learn to treat themselves with compassion and respect. This directly impacts the development of self-esteem.
Long-Term Benefits for Children
Children raised in environments where self-care is visible and encouraged tend to develop stronger coping skills, healthier relationships, greater emotional mastery, and far better stress management skills. They learn that taking care of themselves is not something to neglect - it is something to continually work on to have a great life.