To Succeed with Love, We Need to Work to BE LOVE, Because We Cannot ‘Get Love’
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Many people approach love as something to obtain - to be earned, extracted, or received from another person. This mindset quietly undermines intimacy and connection. To truly succeed with love, we must shift from seeking love, to becoming love. Love is not something we get; it is something we practice, embody, and offer through consistent actions and emotional presence.
When love is treated as something to acquire, relationships often become transactional. People unconsciously ask, “Am I getting enough attention, validation, or affection?” This creates pressure and insecurity. The moment love is measured by what is received, fear enters the relationship. Fear of loss, rejection, or imbalance triggers defensiveness and emotional withdrawal, weakening the very connection we desire.
Being Love - requires internal work. It begins with emotional regulation, self-awareness, and responsibility for one’s inner world. A person who embodies love learns to respond rather than react, to listen without preparing a defense, and to stay present during discomfort. These abilities are not instinctive - but they can be developed through coaching, reflection, practice, and humility. Love thrives not on perfection, but on a willingness to grow.
To be love - is to lead with giving, rather than getting our own way. This does not mean self-abandonment or tolerating harm. Healthy love includes boundaries, honesty, and self-respect. When boundaries are clear, love becomes safe rather than sacrificial. Offering love from a grounded place allows connection to deepen without resentment or emotional exhaustion.
Another essential aspect of “Being Love” - is releasing the illusion that another person can complete us. No partner can fill unresolved wounds or provide permanent emotional security. When individuals expect to “get love” to heal internal deficits, they often place impossible expectations on the relationship. In contrast, when people take responsibility for their own emotional well-being, love becomes a shared experience rather than a dependency.
Love is also an action, not a feeling. Feelings fluctuate, but actions build trust. Being love shows up in patience during conflict, kindness in moments of stress, and consistency over time. These behaviors develop emotional safety, which allows intimacy to flourish. Love is sustained not by grand gestures, but by everyday choices that communicate care and respect.
Working to “be love” also transforms conflict. Instead of viewing a disagreement as a threat, loving individuals see it as an opportunity for understanding. They remain curious rather than critical and seek repair rather than victory. This approach prevents emotional escalation and fosters long-term relational resilience.
Ultimately, love cannot be taken or demanded - it can only be given and received freely. When two people commit to “being love” rather than trying to get it from one another, loving relationships become more stable, meaningful, and enduring. Love ceases to be a fragile resource and becomes a way of being.
Success in love is not found in acquiring affection from others, but in cultivating the capacity to love well. By doing the inner work to embody patience, predictability, presence, responsibility, respect and care, we create a loving relationship rooted in authenticity and depth. When we choose to “be love” - love naturally follows.