When People Say “I Feel That,” They Are Usually Thinking - Not Feeling
Get Started and Succeed with Love, Today.
In everyday conversations, the phrase “I feel that…” is commonly used to express opinions, beliefs, or conclusions. While it sounds emotional, this phrase reflects cognitive processing rather than an emotional experience. Understanding the difference between thinking, feeling and emotions and being able to distinguish the difference is essential to ‘know thyself’ for emotional intelligence, effective communication, and healthy relationships.
Feeling vs. Thinking: A Neurological Distinction
True feelings originate in the body. They are driven by subcortical brain systems that regulate emotion, such as the limbic system and brainstem. These systems generate physical sensations - tightness, warmth, heaviness, or activation - before conscious thought occurs.
Thinking, on the other hand, happens primarily in the prefrontal cortex. It involves interpretation, evaluation, and meaning-making. When someone says, “I feel that you don’t understand me,” they are usually expressing a thought or belief, not a bodily sensation, emotion or feeling.
Why People Use Feeling Language for Thoughts
Using feeling words to express thoughts often serves a protective function. Statements framed as feelings can feel less confrontational than direct opinions. Saying “I feel that this is unfair” sounds softer than “I think this is unfair,” even though both convey a judgment.
This habit is reinforced culturally. Many people are taught to prioritize emotional expression without being taught how to recognize genuine emotional sensations. Over time, emotional language becomes a shortcut for communicating internal conclusions.
The Consequences of Emotional Mislabeling
When thoughts are labeled as feelings, communication becomes blurred. In relationships, this can lead to misunderstandings and defensiveness. A partner hearing “I feel ignored” may perceive an accusation or blame, even though the speaker may be intending to express their feelings.
Mislabeling also interferes with emotional regulation. Thoughts tend to loop and intensify when mistaken for emotions, while true feelings typically rise and fall when acknowledged. Confusing the two can prolong distress and increase conflict.
Emotional Awareness and the Body
Developing emotional awareness requires reconnecting with the body. Genuine feelings are experienced as physical sensations, not explanations or conclusions. For example, sadness might feel like heaviness in the chest, while anxiety may present as tightness in the stomach or rapid breathing.
When people pause to identify sensations rather than narratives, emotional clarity increases. This shift reduces reactivity and creates space for thoughtful responses.
Improving Communication Through Precision
Replacing “I feel that” with more accurate language strengthens communication. Using “I think” for beliefs and “I feel” for sensations promotes honesty and emotional safety. This distinction encourages curiosity rather than defensiveness in conversations.
When people say “I feel that,” they are often sharing a thought dressed in emotional language. While this is common and understandable, it can obscure true emotional experiences, and complicate relationships. Learning to distinguish between thinking and feeling helps individuals regulate emotions, communicate clearly, and build deeper, more authentic connections.
Unfortunately in society at this time, most people are unable to distinguish between whether they are thinking, having emotions that they need to process, or experiencing feelings. This is a skill they can develop over time by working with someone experienced in personal growth, to help them to get to know themselves better, IF they are invested in doing this work - they will develop.