The human brain is designed to switch between different networks depending on what we are doing. One of the most important of these is the Default Mode Network (DMN) system, often referred to as the brain’s “autopilot” system.

In an era where mental health conversations are expanding rapidly, Shortcut to Understanding Affective Neuroscience offers a clear and accessible introduction to one of the most important fields in modern psychology. Lucy Biven presents complex neuroscientific concepts in a readable format, making the science of emotion understandable for coaches, therapists, educators, and anyone interested in human behavior.

Couples today are seeking faster, practical, and forward-focused solutions to relationship challenges. While traditional couples therapy has long been the standard approach for relational distress, couples coaching is increasingly viewed as more effective for growth-oriented partners who want clear strategies, measurable progress, and future-focused change. Understanding the differences between couples coaching and couples therapy helps explain why many couples prefer coaching in modern relationships.

Psychology has traditionally emphasized cognition - thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, and behavioral patterns. However, modern brain research increasingly shows that emotion comes first. Affective neuroscience, the study of the neural systems that generate emotion, reveals that primary emotional circuits shape perception, motivation, learning, and decision-making long before conscious reasoning takes place. For this reason, affective neuroscience must become the foundation of all psychology-based approaches.

The human microbiome - the vast ecosystem of bacteria, fungi, and microorganisms living primarily in the gut - plays a central role in digestion, immune regulation, mood stability, and even cognition. Emerging research in neuroscience, immunology, and microbiology shows that the microbiome is not regulated by diet alone. It is influenced by stress, social connection, and surprisingly, human touch. This helps explain why loving relationships are biologically essential for human health.

Skill-based and goal-based coaching is designed to improve performance, build competencies, and achieve measurable outcomes. It focuses on action steps, accountability, and forward movement. However, when a person is emotionally dysregulated, they are often not emotionally available or ready for this type of structured coaching. In many cases, psychotherapy or therapy is what these people need, as they are not ready for coaching.

In everyday conversations, the phrase “I feel that…” is commonly used to express opinions, beliefs, or conclusions. While it sounds emotional, this phrase reflects cognitive processing rather than an emotional experience. Understanding the difference between thinking, feeling and emotions and being able to distinguish the difference is essential to ‘know thyself’ for emotional intelligence, effective communication, and healthy relationships.

The relationship between genes and human experience is far more dynamic than once believed. While our DNA provides the blueprint for biological structure and function, gene expression - the process by which genes are activated or silenced - is shaped by environment, behavior, and emotional experience. One powerful environmental influence is meaning. Research in neuroscience, psychology, and epigenetics suggests that living with a strong sense of purpose and meaning can influence biological systems that regulate gene expression.

The salience network system in the brain is responsible for determining what matters most in any given moment. Rather than processing information for meaning or pleasure, this system rapidly filters internal and external stimuli to decide what deserves attention, action, or an emotional response. Anchored primarily in the anterior insula and anterior cingulate cortex, the salience network system acts as a switching mechanism between other brain systems. The emotions that drive it shape perception, decision-making, and behavior in powerful ways.

The attachment system in the brain is a foundational neurobiological network that drives human bonding, emotional security, and relational survival. From infancy through adulthood, attachment governs how people seek closeness, respond to separation, and regulate emotions within relationships. While attachment is often discussed in psychological terms, it is powered by specific emotional states that activate this system and shape how individuals connect, trust, and maintain intimacy.

The seeking system in the brain is a core motivational network that drives curiosity, exploration, goal pursuit, and engagement with life. First identified and described in affective neuroscience, the seeking system energizes behavior and gives humans the impulse to move toward opportunities, resources, learning, and connection. Understanding the emotions that drive the seeking system helps explain why people feel motivated at times and disengaged or restless at others.

The play system in the brain is a fundamental neurobiological network that supports learning, creativity, social bonding, and emotional resilience. Long before formal education or structured work, play evolved as a primary way humans and mammals develop cognitive, emotional, and social skills. Understanding the emotions that drive the play system reveals why play is essential not only for children, but for healthy adult relationships, innovation, and well-being.

Modern life often praises independence, productivity, and self-sufficiency. Yet when a person spends extended time alone - particularly an entire day in near isolation - human beings experience emotional dysregulation, mental overactivity, and a sense of drained physical energy. This is not a personal weakness, issue or lack of resilience. It is a biological and relational reality rooted in how the human nervous system is designed to function.

The Social Dominance System, as I prefer to call it, also referred to as the Dominance Behavioral System (DBS) in the brain - is a fundamental biological and physiologically-based system that governs behavioral components including motivation, and the drive for power, status, control over resources critical for survival, and social positioning. This system evolved to help humans navigate living in tribes or groups in response to power, to create a hierarchy to allocate resources, to reduce constant physical conflict and navigate competition.

The disgust system is one of the brain’s most ancient and essential survival mechanisms. Long before complex reasoning evolved, disgust protected humans from contamination, disease, violence, and betrayal. While often experienced as a simple emotional reaction, disgust is driven by a precise set of brain structures and biochemistry that influence behavior, judgment, and even moral decision-making. Understanding the primary brain chemistry of the disgust system reveals how deeply it shapes both physical safety and social interactions.

Many loving relationships are not damaged by a lack of care, but by repeated emotional self-triggering. Partners often believe their frustration, irritation, upset, or anger is caused directly by the other person’s behavior. In reality, most of emotional escalation in loving relationships comes from internal interpretations of outside stimulus, and reacting to this personally. Basically, people are self-triggering themselves, constantly, in loving relationships.

Many people approach love as something to obtain - to be earned, extracted, or received from another person. This mindset quietly undermines intimacy and connection. To truly succeed with love, we must shift from seeking love, to becoming love. Love is not something we get; it is something we practice, embody, and offer through consistent actions and emotional presence.

In a loving relationship, emotional safety is as important as physical safety. When disrespect enters a relationship dynamic - through poor communication skills like dismissive language, constantly venting feelings or emotions, criticism, contempt, accusations, assumptions, analysis, explaining or lecturing, emotional invalidation or talking about your partner's issues or shortcomings - this will rapidly activate the body’s arousal system.

Many people believe that if their feelings, emotions or thinking is strong enough - love, passion, or longing - or that by expressing themselves, that their loving relationship will naturally improve, or repair itself, or that they will resolve their differences this way.

The care system is one of the most essential emotional circuits in the human brain. It governs nurturing, empathy, compassion, and protective behavior toward others, particularly children, partners, and vulnerable individuals. This system is foundational to human bonding, cooperation, and social survival. Understanding which emotions predominantly drive the care system reveals why secure relationships promote emotional regulation, resilience, and long-term well-being.