Why do we fall in love with a significant other? It is probably one of the most sought after answers for human-beings. What creates the spark, the lust, the connection, the attraction or the experience of falling in love with another?
Love Begins to Flow in the Heart
When people fall in love, they often experience a sudden rise in their heartbeat. Scientific research on the subject shows that love dramatically affects the brain after the heart has been stimulated. Three chemicals get released that rush to the brain which cause the exciting or euphoric connection and changes we experience: Dopamine, Phenylethylamine, and Noradrenaline. Huge amounts of Dopamine is behind the initial happy feelings of love.
Do you feel like butterflies in the stomach when you are near your crush? The release of Dopamine and the hormone Phenylethylamine causes these bodily sensations and high. Also, the release of Noradrenaline leads to adrenaline production which increases our heartbeat and can cause us to perspire or experience sweaty palms.
The Three Stages of Early Stage Romantic Love
Dr Helen Fisher at Rutgers, suggested there are three stages of early stage romantic love – lust, attraction, and attachment and different types of chemicals are released at each of these different stages of love. Although each of the stages has a different set of hormones, there are overlaps. Here is how it somewhat plays out or works:
Stage 1 – Lust
Lust is often the first stage of early stage romantic love. Testosterone and estrogen are two hormones responsible for men responding in the first stage of love. Lust is driven by a desire for sexual gratification. Women are more balanced than men and produce less testosterone in this stage and are looking more for long-term partnership than instant sexual gratification than men. This is possibly due to the corpus callosum in the brain in women being more developed to connect the left and right hemispheres of the brain than men. However, in the first stage of love, the hypothalamus of the brain stimulates the production of testosterone and estrogen from the testes and ovaries respectively.
It is similar in most mammals and can be explained from the evolutionary perspective. The release of these hormones is stimulated by our need to reproduce and carry forward the perpetuation of the species. Although testosterone is generally classified as a male hormone and estrogen as a female hormone, both have a role to play in males and females.
As you know, the prefrontal cortex is responsible for our rational behavior. During the stage of lust, our prefrontal cortex hardly functions.
Stage 2 – Attraction
Attraction is the next stage of early stage romantic love. Attraction is powerful and drives us to connect and be with another. This is due to the release of multiple chemicals – adrenaline, dopamine, norepinephrine, etc. In some people in the attraction stage there is actually a reduction in the production of serotonin.
These chemical reactions are mostly the reason why it feels exhilarating or euphoric during the initial first weeks or months of a relationship. For example, if you feel sweaty or your heartbeat rises when you are near to someone you like, it is because of the release of adrenaline. You may find it difficult to sleep if you are over excited, or your appetite may decrease, due to the release of multiple hormones.
While lust and attraction may seem to be different, they are closely related. You may or may not feel attracted to someone you have a lust for. The brain pathways that control ‘reward behavior’ get activated when you feel attracted to someone. Dopamine is released by the hypothalamus when we are involved in things that make us feel good. When you spend time with the person you are attracted to or indulge in sex, you feel good because of dopamine release but also satisfied due to multiple self-regulation needs being met.
Norepinephrine, another related hormone, is also released when you are attracted to someone. It is the same hormone that is mostly behind our fight or flight response.
Stage 3 – Attachment
For the relationship to sustain long-term, attachment to another is necessary.
Attachment works in friendships and other intimate relationships. Oxytocin and vasopressin are the hormones majorly responsible for attachment in a relationship. During sex, breastfeeding, or childbirth, oxytocin is produced. It is the hormone that leads to close bonding in people, and it is also called the love hormone.
Loving relationships that get to the attachment stage and beyond need skill and character to succeed. You can Succeed with Love, if you need help please reach out to us at Loves Hidden Policy.
