The Importance of Presence in a Loving Relationship By Tony Vernon, HWC, NMC, AMC, MMC
Presence is a vital component of a loving relationship. To be able to foster a deeper connection and greater intimacy, we need to be present in our body and mentally attentive to the needs of the relationship in the moment.
To be skilled at presence, we need to develop body intelligence, by working to cultivate awareness and connection with our physical self.
To develop a deep connection with your physical self, use Yoga daily, or an advanced exercise program to remain physically conditioned if you are more athletically minded. Also use daily regular meditation, and mindful practices. Generally speaking, the more present you are, the more self-regulated you are.
A great teacher to follow, to master presence, I recommend wholeheartedly is: Eckhart Tolle. Tolle is known for his influential books “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” both of which I recommend. He has profound insights on mindfulness, self-reflection and being fully present, in the present moment.
Being present in a loving relationship means being attentive and curious, while actively listening, and responding to every and each interaction, with your loving partner.
Work on showing up fully to be with your loving partner without being distracted outwardly with your phone, work or life, or inwardly with your thoughts, emotions or feelings. Present interactions drive connection on a deeper level. By giving your partner your undivided attention and being emotional and mentally present with yourself, this builds presence in both of you in your loving relationship.
Couples who have advanced communication skills feel the benefits of being able to relax into their loving relationship. This relaxation response occurs when the loving relationship is emotionally safe, and this further assists both couples to be present with one another.
Individuals who are stressed in a loving relationship, from perhaps having a job where they are overwhelmed, or having debt, or unfortunately carrying unresolved stress from their childhood so are unable to emotionally manage themselves, or are unfit, will struggle to be fully present. These individuals may need more professional support with a personal credentialed coach, as well as couples coaching.
I have worked with extremely wealthy and famous people who are very stressed. Their business has made them a fortune, but they have not worked to accomplish this with the goal of the business also providing them with peace of mind. People who have peace of mind, are usually very happy, and very present.
Meaningful, friendly interactions without distractions or agendas enable us to feel seen, heard and understood. Meaningful, loving interactions help couples to be present, and this positively impacts their need to feel fully seen, fully heard, and fully understood, in their loving relationship.
As a credentialed couples coach observe who is present, and who is not as present in sessions. It is more of an emotional need for a woman to feel the presence of a man deeply, than for a man, who is usually more drawn to physical attraction. But for a woman to feel fulfilled they need the undivided attention of a present man. So, help couples to develop a presence practice, this will reduce unnecessary stress, and keep couples more connected, resilient and fulfilled.
