Renowned author Gary Chapman has been counseling married couples for 30 years and more. Also, all his radio programs have been airing on more than 100 stations. In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, he rightfully defines the ways to keep a marriage relationship well and alive.
Until today, the New York Times bestseller sold more than four million copies. In his book, Chapman puts a brilliant question on the plate. He goes on to ask whether my spouse and I speak the same language. Also, he states that while love is a splendored thing, it is sometimes immensely confusing too!
It is no secret that people come in different shapes and sizes. Similarly, their choices and personal expressions of love also differ widely. And more often, the receiver and the giver express love in two vividly different ways. Thus, it can significantly lead to unnecessary misunderstandings, quarrels, and, even worse, divorce.
Counselor and author Dr. Chapman graciously identify the five primary languages of love. They include words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and the magical physical touch. While he identifies the love languages, he plainly guides couples and counsels them. He further takes the privilege of paving the way for the couples toward a better understanding. And he keeps doing the same until the couples have a clear and complete understanding of the unique languages of love.
The author advises all couples to learn the ways of speaking. But that doesn’t end until here. He further tells couples to deeply understand the languages of love conveyed by one’s own mate. And only then, as Gary says, will one be able to love effectively. Moreover, we will also have the capability to feel loved in return.
This is how the author teaches all couples to grasp skillful communication effectively.
Sad but true, more than 40% of the first marriages end up in divorce! We are very much aware of how everyone talks about the energy and importance of falling in love. Nevertheless, only a few have solutions to keeping the original passion, intimacy, and togetherness alive.
In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Chapman spells out the love languages loud and clear. He mentions them as “five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.”
Being able to speak your spouse’s primary love language is probably the most significant challenge in marriage. And the goal of the primary relationship, as Gary says, is “not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.”
As Gary defines in his book, the first language of love is the “words of affirmation.” We know that a relationship only grows stronger and better with mutual trust and gratitude. However, endless encouragement and appreciation are also essential ingredients of a relationship. So the author says that if your better half’s love language is affirmative words, it is essential to build them up. Also, it would be best if you did this as often and in ways possible.
The second language of love is “quality time.” This defines the quality of being together and doing something together while giving full attention to each other. As Gary suggests, the best way to spend quality time is by sharing all whereabouts of the entire day. Also, you can choose to elaborate to your partner about how you actually feel about them.
“Receiving gifts” from your spouse is defined as the third language of love. There is nobody on earth who doesn’t enjoy receiving gifts and surprises. And if this is the language of love for your spouse, you can choose to honor this by giving gifts. There are some people who don’t believe in materialistic gifts and are immensely impressed with the gift of physical presence.
The fourth language of love is “acts of service,” where you can make your spouse happy by doing little things. These little gestures of taking responsibility for the household and outside can genuinely impress your spouse. So the author suggests frequently providing a love note along with an act of service.
Last but not least, “physical touch” is the most necessary love language for couples. From holding hands to sexual intercourse, all of it defines intimacy quite well. Sometimes a slight caress, a quick head scratch, or a soft kiss on the cheeks can make your spouse light up!
The book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is exquisitely divided into a number of sections. Each of them uses an acceptable approach for describing each language of love. Moreover, each of the chapters is immensely thoughtful as they are filled with relatable experiences. The best part about each chapter is that it leaves questions for thought at the end of each chapter.
Even though this book is meant for readers of all ages, he delivers the same message for all. So whether you are young, single, married, or widowed, you receive the same message. Gary Chapman also chooses to communicate with people in a more active and fluid process. So he rightfully advises that it is imperative to speak a mutual language when we choose to have relationships.
The author ends the book with various approaches to discovering the language of primary love.
As a reader, I was utterly amazed to have come across and read this self-help book. Even though I could concentrate for no longer than 30 minutes, it was immensely insightful and thought-provoking. All the advice knitted inside the book is so helpful that it has completely changed my thinking about relationships.
Genuinely appreciate the way how Gary Chapman unfolds all the requisite information about maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.
This book is immensely helpful regardless of your marital status. Even though it preaches about the language of love, it is highly focused on effective communication. It is to make us realize that every relationship requires commitment and attention to nourishing the connection through the years.