Curiosity is a skill and can be used to connect to another person’s reality, and to get to know them better, but it is an essential skill needed to connect in a loving relationship. When curiosity-based questions are used without agenda or judgment, with an accept-ing sincere tone they can help you to get to know what’s really going on in your partner’s world – heart, mind, thoughts, feelings, or life
Sincere, genuine and warm curiosity-based questions allow you to discover what’s real-ly going on in your partner’s reality, and do not generate emotions or defensive re-sponses if curiosity-based questions questions are asked kindly and respectfully. Genuine curiosity can allow your partner to feel emotionally safe enough to express any deeper feelings they may have, and share their unique experience more fully.
Curiosity is wondering about the meaning behind the words your partner Is expressing. It is a way of interrelating with your partner that removes assumptions, speaking on be-half of your partner, or trying to figure out, or analyze your partner.
Open, warmly expressed curiosity-based questions like: what, when and how will allow your partner to share their feelings or experience more wholeheartedly. Avoid why questions as these tend to make a person defend or justify their behavior, communica-tion or actions.
Curiosity needs an accepting tone that conveys a simple desire to understand your partner: “What do you think about this?“ or “How does that make you feel?” or “When that happened what went on in your Heart?”. Always ask curious-based questions without anticipating an answer or response from your partner.
In a loving relationship we need to be deeply invested into the well-being of our partner, and their reality, much more so than trying to analyze it, or to debate what they are saying is either right or wrong in some way.
Curiosity is not interpretation or fact gathering. It’s about getting to know your partner on a deeper level, and letting him or her know that you want to know them as the indi-vidual person they are, and honor and respect their individuality – as the person you love.
Curiosity must be communicated without annoyance, frustration or irritation about any behavior. A light-hearted, warm curious tone will bring about a much more open-hearted response from your partner, than an annoyed, frustrated or irritated question. To succeed with love you must manage your emotional state – be genuine, warm and sincere.
If you stay curious about your partner they are less likely to feel misunderstood or frus-trated as curiosity is nonjudgemental. Curiosity can help your partner to remain open about what he or she maybe thinking or feeling.
Curiosity lets your partner stay open and engaged in conversations, and it helps to avoid up regulating emotions or defen-siveness.
You might want to make assumptions or guesses about what your partner maybe think-ing and feeling, but if you are doing this you are in conversation with your own mind and reality, and not your partner’s reality, making you disconnected as a couple. To avoid missing each other with disconnected and unintentionally disrespectful commu-nication – use curiosity to truly connect with the person you Love.
Curiosity is the skill that allows you to enter into the heart, mind, feelings and expe-rience of your partners inner and outer world. The more skilled at using curiosity you become, the more opportunities to connect more deeply with your partner will be ob-tained, and the more your love for one another can flow.
